we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
even my farts smell like vagina
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
