we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
