How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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