tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
