But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
