So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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