You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There's even glitter on my cock...
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