Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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