It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize