it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
