So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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