So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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