i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Farmville is her only friend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize