I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
