Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
