my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
