Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
