A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
