i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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