If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Come see our sink grown plant.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
