just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
