i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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