My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
