WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
