We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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