Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So vagazzling was a success
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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