he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
