Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
