Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
