Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Text me some of your sweat
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