I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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