My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
