She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
