If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
