I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
