Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just blew my weed a kiss
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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