My ATM looks so different sober.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
