dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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