it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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