LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
