I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
