sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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