We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
