Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
