I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
