i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
