What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
