clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize