Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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