If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
