i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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