How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
