You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
