someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
