so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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