What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
