I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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