I can text with my tongue
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
