He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
