tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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