I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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