I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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