I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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