Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
