DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
