my vag is so smooth its legendary
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
