by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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