my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
