If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize