my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
