I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
