Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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