I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
