Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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