I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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