i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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