Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
