Do you still have your period?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize