Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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