Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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