so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
