did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
