Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
even my farts smell like vagina
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
