Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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