I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
