I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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