idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
