Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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