So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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