Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
