i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
