i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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