she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
