After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
