Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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