some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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