The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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