peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
