I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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